The old phrase, “I’m working like a dog” is out of date. I assume it comes from a day in which dogs actually worked by herding the sheep, pulling the sled, or guarding the farm. These days, “working like a dog” would mean laying around on a couch all day until it’s finally time to go to bed. And even then the family “pet” gets greatly irritated if you crowd them on “their” part of your bed.

In today’s world, we need a new phrase to connote endless work with little to no appreciation. I think that phrase would be “working like a mom.”

Nobody works harder than the average mother. Whether they work outside the home or not, most moms have an unending work ethic, to-do list, and sense of guilt. (See: Sometimes You Can Only Wear One Hat)

Imagine it—those who are often accomplishing the most are appreciated the least. They doubt themselves and the perceptions others have of them. They are trying to be a Super Mom while often feeling as though they are a lousy mom.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. (See: You Chose This)

We need every mom to be a Super Mom. And it is possible for that to happen.

Yet it will only begin if every mom truly understands what a Super Mom is in today’s culture.

Many believe a Super Mom is one who can accomplish every task, taxi every child, cook every meal, all with a smile, a happy marriage, and a good career. It sounds like a great goal, but it is impossible. That may have been the true definition of a Super Mom thirty years ago, but it is not the right definition today.

A Super Mom is one who is willing to reject the societal expectations of modern family life to create an environment that is most healthy for herself, her husband, and her children. That’s a Super Mom. (See: Work and Rest)

That’s the definition of an extraordinary woman—one who refuses to just go along with culture, trying to keep up with the outward appearances of every other woman, and losing her own soul for the opportunity for her children to do everything they want.

It might be what a child wants in the moment, but it isn’t want they need in the long run.

It might be what a husband expects in the moment, but it isn’t what he truly desires.

It might be what a woman feels she should do in the moment, but it is not what she can do for the long haul.

Don’t stop trying to be a Super Mom, instead change your definition of what a Super Mom is.

A Super Mom should: (See: 6+1, the First Math Problem We Should Teach Our Kids)

• guard the schedule of her children and do everything she can to enable her children to have a real childhood
• nourish her own heart and soul so that she has something to give when others are in need
• understand that a “yes” to one thing means a thousand “no’s” to others things
• focus more on being a mom than doing the role of mom
• care more about the well-being of their child’s heart than the development of ability
• believe creating a good marriage comes before being a good mom

This is a radically different focus than attempting to do everything for everyone and pretending to love every minute of it.

In our culture, a Super Mom would be dramatically different than many other moms. Their love and devotion would be the same, but their choices would be different because what they value is different. (See: My Wife Before My Mother)

I know a few moms I consider Super Moms. They may not fit society’s definition, but they fit mine. Their kids don’t do every activity. Their families spend more nights at home than away. Their schedules are created with intention rather than reaction. They say “I can’t,” more than “I can.”

It’s not easy for them. They aren’t perfect. They are even seen by some as depriving their kids or being selfish or being old-fashioned. Yet they are making wise choices. They are properly ordering their lives with a good balance between work/rest, giving/receiving, husband/children, and self-care/self-sacrifice. (See: Stop Making Fun of Your Wife)

Others might call them different, but I call them Super Moms.