Technology is one of the greatest threats to modern marriage. By itself, technology is neutral, but it can be the avenue through which many dangers are experienced. An innocent Facebook message from an old acquaintance can be the start of an inappropriate relationship. An overindulgence in electronics can create a barrier to communication and time spent with your spouse. A lack of boundaries or accountability with internet access can open a person up to multiple temptations. Technology can be a threat.

But technology can also be a great asset to couples. I can’t imagine what marriage must have been like before spouses were given total access to their husbands and wives through technology. Now, because of phones, there is never a time in which I’m completely off limits to Jenny. Even if I’m on stage doing a conference or giving a speech, she can call me multiple times and I will eventually answer.

One of the most powerful tools technology brings to a couple is the ability to send brief messages to one another throughout the day. A simple text message can succinctly and clearly communicate love and affection reminding the other that they are not alone.

10 Text Messages to Send Your Spouse

Here are ten text messages you can happily send to your spouse in order to build your friendship, align your partnership, and further you intimacy. (See my book Friends, Partners & Lovers)

1. “I’d choose you all over again.” There is power in knowing you have been chosen. When a couple says “I do” they are saying “I choose you.” As time passes, the honeymoon fades, and bodies change knowing your spouse continues to choose you is a great encouragement. It’s fair to regret certain choices, but a healthy couple should never regret having chosen each other.

2. “Thank you for _____.” One of the most basic bad habits couples develop over time is taken for granted the things their spouses do for them. Never stop saying “please” and “thank you.” It shows respect, appreciation, and awareness. A “thank you” can go a long way. And notice, it’s “thank you,” not “thanks.” Don’t be so lazy that you can’t type an extra three letters.

3. “I’ve got it covered.” At it’s best, marriage is a strong partnership. All the pressure isn’t on us because our spouse will take part of the load. Whether it be an encouragement to your spouse to enjoy their time away because you’ve got the kids taken care of or a message of relief that you can take something off your partner’s plate, the message “I’ve got it covered”lets them know they are not alone. (See: Marry a Partner, Not a Child)

4. “I’m proud to be yours.” We are all searching for approval. “I’m proud of you” is one of the best things a parent can repeat to a child. “I’m proud to be yours” is a good way for husbands and wives to communicate a similar concept. To have not just the support but also the admiration of the one you love the most empowers individuals to do the right thing, persevere, and show strong character. This statement not only communicates pride in the person, but is also a sign of gratitude that they have chosen to be with you.

5. “Last night was fun.” Good sex should be anticipated and remembered. A text foreshadowing intimacy is meaningful and a text remembering what took place is equally important. Sex isn’t the most important part of marriage, but it is an integral aspect of the marital relationship. To nourish that connection, remember the good times and anticipate the times to come.

6. “That’s a great idea.” When we respect someone, we allow them to influence us. Validating our spouse’s ideas is a way in which we are appreciating their intellect and showing that they have an impact on us. When we regularly dismiss the ideas of our husband or wife, it shows we have contempt for them. Yet to acknowledge and compliment their viewpoint is a great way to show respect.

7. “What’s one thing I can do for you today?” This is my favorite question in marriage. It’s simple, short, and easy to answer. It’s better to ask the question in person every day before the day begins, but texting it can also work. By doing so, you will get a feel for how your spouse’s day is going, what their level of stress is, and one possible way you can assist them. This will make them feel loved, cherished, and taken care of. Asking doesn’t guarantee you can do what they request, but it does mean you can consider it and try your best.

8. “Let’s go for a walk later.” For me and Jenny, a walk is the cheapest, most effective medicine for us as a couple. A walk reconnects us, gives us time to interact, and allows us to get back on the same page. At our stage of life, Jenny and I have to fight for time together. We haven’t to make time. A walk is the best way to do so. Most couples go for a walk on the beach whenever they vacation near the ocean. Why not go for a walk several times a week when you are at home? It’s the simplest marriage tip I can give.

9. “Want to meet at home for lunch?” One of the simplest change a couple can make to improve their relationship is to have more intimacy during the day rather than always saving that time for the night time when husbands and wives are most exhausted. A quick lunch-time rendezvous can do wonders for the marriage that feels a little disconnected. (See: Three Types of Sex Every Married Couple Should Have)

10. “I miss you.” When people want to be with us it makes us feel valued. When our spouse wants to spend time with us it shows us that we still hold a special place in their heart. While feelings change throughout the years, we should always nourish the friendship with our spouse to such an extent that we miss them when we haven’t spent adequate time with him. When you love someone, you miss them when they are not there. Remind your spouse of your love by telling them that you miss them.

Take Action

Send this article to your spouse and ask, “Which one of these means the most to you when I send it?”

Open your text conversation with your spouse on your phone. Scroll through the last week’s worth of conversations. Were any messages sent that were simply communications of love or affection? Or were all messages about the details of kids, work, and family?

What is something I’ve left off the list? What’s one text that means the most to you when your spouse sends it? Leave a comment on Facebook and tell me what I should add.