Pride kills relationships. It creates a wedge between two people destroying intimacy, eroding trust, and denying peace between husband and wife. Few things are as toxic to a relationship as pride.

While no one denies the danger of pride in a relationship, few couples can identify its early warning signs. Unaware of its presence, pride grows until it is nearly unstoppable. A healthy couple will recognize the earliest appearance of pride and do everything in their power to eradicate it from themselves and their relationship.

10 Signs of Pride

1. Everything is personal. Pride is an elevated view of self. When pride enters an individual, everything becomes about them. So every opposing idea or differing viewpoint isn’t seen as a natural disagreement or a difference of perspective, it is a personal attack on them. Their response to every situation is one of defensiveness because they feel assaulted even if you simply disagree over the most minor of issues. (See: How to Keep a Small Fight Small)

2. Fault-finding. Because pride requires us to look better than others, a pride-filled person becomes an expert at finding fault in others. It’s as though they have fault-finding glasses and once they view life through that lens, problems is all they see. They actually believe finding fault is their gift and they readily point out the faults of everyone–bosses, co-workers, friends, political leaders, referees, coaches, and even their spouse.

3. Refusal to be influenced by their spouse. Humility opens one up to change while pride paralyzes us into our current state. Whenever an individual is unable to be positively influenced by their spouse, it’s a sign something is horribly wrong. It shows respect has been lost and the most common cause of lack of respect is pride. When we think we are better than our spouse, we stop being influenced by them.

4. Ignorance of the need of others. Pride doesn’t just keep us from caring for others, it prevents us from even seeing their need. Pride causes us to become so focused on self that we no longer see the hurts, struggles, and inabilities of others. Not knowing their need, a prideful person would never consider how they can assist another person in need. (See: This One Trait Will Improve Your Relationship)

5. Addiction to attention. Pride demands attention. Believing ourselves to be of more importance, we assume everything is and should be about us. Everything becomes about what we want, think, desire, and how situations impact us. Even if our spouse tragically breaks their leg, a prideful spouse immediately thinks about how that will inconvenience them and not their spouse.

6. Refusal to submit to authority. A prideful person believes they have it all figured out so they don’t need to listen to an expert. Even if statistics show a certain action is negative, the person filled with pride will assume they are the exception. In marriage, an arrogant person will not humble themselves to wise counsel or do what an expert says. Even if they attend counseling, they simply go so their point can be validated.

7. Inability to see opposing viewpoints. Pride causes us to crown our way of thinking as king. Anyone who sees the world differently is viewed as wrong. It may begin with outsiders to the marriage, but it will quickly include our spouse. If someone can’t fathom another person voting a different way or having an opinion that differs, they are filled with pride.

8. Never asking for help, always expecting service. It’s an odd combination, but pride weds the two. When we overvalue ourselves, we refuse to ask others for help. We see it as a weakness. But at the same time we regularly expect others to serve us because we think we are due their sacrifice. So a man filled with pride will ask his wife for nothing, but expect her to do everything.

9. Absence of sacrifice and submission. Pride says we deserve to do our own thing and go our own way. Marriage demands that we sacrifice our individual dreams and desires for the sake of the relationship. It requires us to submit our wills to one another in order for the union to flourish. Pride convinces us that sacrifice is below us and submission is unnecessary.

10. Refusal to say “I’m sorry.” The inability to apologize can appear for two reasons. First, a prideful person may not be able to see they are wrong. Second, a prideful person might not be willing to admit fault even when they know it is there. Either way, the words “I’m sorry” are never heard or if they are, they are quickly followed by “but you….” (See: But He Said ‘I’m Sorry’)

When pride is present, intimacy is absent. A couple can be full of pride or they can have a healthy marriage, but they cannot have both. A wise couple will recognize the agony of pride and will do everything in their power to eradicate from themselves and their relationship.