For centuries, girls have been wondering “he loves me, he loves me not.” While normally picking at the petals of a flower, the old French game reveals a conundrum for women–does the man I love, love me back?

Finding the true answer is not easy. The words “I love you” can be as easily fabricated as truthfully told. While words are important, they are not the ultimate proof of true love. Actions are.

Here are 5 common actions from men who are not in love:

1. He won’t commit to you. While it’s good to take your time in a relationship to get to know one another, there comes a point where a decision has to be made. Either get married or break-up. It’s a waste of time to live in-between. When a man won’t pop the question long after he should have, it’s a sign he is using you and not loving you. He might like you, but he isn’t acting in a loving way toward you. (See: What to Look for in a Spouse)

2. He won’t tell you the truth. Love and truth are deeply related. Intimacy cannot exist outside of the truth. If a man won’t tell you the truth, he either believes you aren’t worth the time or you aren’t worth the effort. Either way, it’s a bold announcement he does not love you. Remember: If he’s lying, your relationship is dying.

3. He won’t make an effort. When a man loves a woman, he works for her. Even if he gets laid off or downsized, he gets up day after day in an attempt to find a job. Because he loves her, he wants to provide for her. If a man won’t make an effort to provide for a woman, he isn’t just lazy, he is also failing to act in a loving way. Yet effort is more than just physical labor, it also includes emotional and relational work. If a man won’t make an effort to improve the relationship, he doesn’t love you. True love motivates a man to work; like and lust do not.

4. He won’t spend time with you. Life has many time demands and in some periods of life, we have very little time. But if a man loves you, he is always attempting to find time to spend with you. When he always has an excuse for why you can’t spend time together, he doesn’t love you. Time is often a truth serum of intention. We find ways to spend time with those we love. We find ways to avoid time with those we don’t love. If he won’t give you quality time, he doesn’t deserve any of your time.

5. He won’t grow up for you. Life is full of different seasons. Love, as expressed between a man and a woman, is an adult reality. It’s a grown-up sport. When a man remains a boy, he does not love you. If he won’t give up the video games, stop staying out all hours of the night, and start living within a season of adulthood, he does not love you. Dating a boy might be fun, but you need to be married to a man. Never foolishly believe that giving a boy what only a man deserves will cause the boy to grow up. It won’t. If he won’t grow up, get out. (See: Pastoral Advice for Single Women)

Early in a relationship, it’s fair for a man not to love a woman. Asking a girl out doesn’t guarantee that love will follow. However, when a fair amount of time has passed, a choice has to be made. Either he will choose to love you or he won’t.

What saddens me is to watch as men clearly aren’t loving their significant other, but the girl is hoping he eventually will or sadly assuming he is. While moments of the previous five points might appear in any relationship, when any of these ideas become prevalent, love is absent.

What could be the 6th sign he doesn’t love you?