Truth is often missed in one of two ways. Like a pendulum swinging back and forth, if the truth is in the center, you can miss it either to the left or right.

This is true of sex.

Imagine two women (although it could be two men) who seemingly have nothing in common:

The first is the quintessential sweet, holy woman. Everything about her is prim and proper. Hardly a Sunday passes in which she is not on the second row of the most conservative church in town. She is kind, generous, firm in her belief yet not holier-than-though. From the outside, it looks as though she has it all together.

The second is the typical street-walker. Everything about her announces her intention—she wants money and the only way she knows how to “earn” it is through sex. Her skirt is short, her blouse is low, and from the outside, it looks as though she has nothing together.

Their worlds couldn’t be further apart, yet the two might share something in common. If the good church lady is like many good church ladies and she sees nothing wrong with not having sex with her husband then she is more like the street prostitute than she would like to admit. (See: Are You Having Enough Sex?)

There is little difference between the church-going lady who has no problem with not sleeping with her husband and the street-walking prostitute who has no problem sleeping with everybody’s husband.

Both have missed God’s understanding of sex.

Of course it is not just women. In many marriages, it is the man who is ignoring his marital obligations to do everything in his power to foster a healthy sexual intimacy. (See: Gentlemen, Start Your Engines)

No matter who is at fault, denying your spouse a healthy sexual expression is just as wrong as a spouse looking for sexual expression in unhealthy ways.

Many good people have fallen for the lie that sex is just a physical act and it doesn’t really matter. Some even believe it is a borderline carnal act which becomes less important the more spiritually minded one becomes. This belief allows some to look down not just on the prostitute but also any person who desires or enjoys sex.

Viewing sex between spouses as unholy is perversion. It is a twisting of that which is good into something that is bad. It is leading people down an unholy path.

Sex is a God-created, God-ordained act between a husband and wife. It is unholy to pursue sex outside of that covenant and it is unholy to ignore sex within that covenant. (See: What I Tell College Students About Sex)

Clearly there are times in which a sexual relationship is not possible within marriage. Some seasons do not allow for sex and some illnesses make it not possible. However, in most relationships, a healthy sexual union should be sought and can be found. Yet it begins with a proper understanding of sex.

Biblical sex is about more than procreation. It’s also about pleasure. It’s about uniting a husband and wife into a unique experience unlike any other relationship they could have.

It isn’t an easy relationship. Sin has corrupted sex. It has brought much pain and shame to many people. It has perverted our view of healthy sexuality. It has done much harm.

Yet sex should not be forsaken. We cannot be deceived into thinking that sex can be ignored and our marriage will still flourish. We cannot believe in the delusion that there is a high spiritual plane for those who deny their spouse and themselves sexually. We cannot mimic an unhealthy culture regarding sex with our own unhealthy culture.

Instead, we should do the work necessary to cultivate an appropriate sexual relationship. It’s not easy. Few things make us so vulnerable. Few things expose our insecurities and past hurts. Few things are as personal. (See: The Greatest Aspect of Sex)

Developing a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse will guarantee hurt feelings, frustrations, and disagreements. It will attack our very definitions of womanhood and manhood. It will be difficult work.

Yet the work is worth it.

When a couple sincerely makes it a life-long pursuit to nourish a healthy sexual relationship within their marriage, they will never regret it.

As a pastor, I often grieve over the sexual perversion of our culture. It has disastrous consequences.

But sometimes I also grieve over the sexual perversion inside the church. It has equal negative consequences. (See: What Your Husband Wants From You In Bed)

There are two ways to pervert the truth. Surprisingly, many church people have a lot in common with the prostitutes.