Do you want to learn how to parent? Learn to communicate with (not at) your children.

In the sixth episode of The 7 Series: Parenting, Laura Keep and I discuss the topic of conversation.

Show Notes:

Conversation is the primary tool by which we parent.

It only works when we put authority and love in proper balance.

Parents make a tragic assumption in thinking about having “a talk” with children. It is never “a talk;” we always have conversations about important topics.

It is a parent’s obligation from God to be the primary source of information for many topics with our children. Topics like: grief, God, sex, death, life, value, meaning, etc.

When we are too scared to have an important conversation with our children, we aren’t loving them properly. We are loving ourselves more than them whenever we avoid important topics.

It’s in the best interest of your child to have important conversations with them.

If for no other reason, realize your children will talk to somebody about the important issues of life so it might as well be with you.

Listening is the key role of a parent in a conversation with our children.

Rarely bark at your children. Listen, understand, learn, and then talk.

Part of a parent’s role is to slowly reveal more of life to them through conversation.

Always be just ahead of the curve regarding important topics.

If you broach a topic a little too soon with your children, it forms a good practice run for the parent so that when the kids are ready, the parent will be ready as well.

Sex is a topic parents famously avoid, but the topic of death is often overlooked. This leaves kids confused about grief.

When we refuse to speak to our kids about key issues, we are closing the door to them regarding key issues.

Money is another topic which parents should continually talk with their children about. Remember: give, save, spend.

There is a time to lecture, but those times are rare.

Parents talk too much when we shouldn’t talk at all. We talk too little when we should be talking much.

Talk little when your kids make mistakes. Communicate the consequence, but don’t lecture. In a moment of mistake, a child is very unlikely to listen and learn. Emotions are often too high when a child has done wrong.

We should talk much when our kids are succeeding. In those moments they are most likely to listen.

Set the environment of the conversation before having the conversation.

Parents talk too little before choices are made and too much after they are made. Talk to your children before a choice happens, simply announce the consequence after a choice is made.

Find the places in which your kids are most likely to talk–walking to school, at a ballgame, in the car, etc. Search for a vehicle which relaxes your child so they let down their guard and begin to talk. Find it and use it.

Validate your child’s feelings. Never downplay what your child says they feel.

Repeat what you hear your child saying and ask them if you have understood properly. This empowers them to own their feelings and communicate them properly.

The question: Will we guarantee our children an environment of safety so they can communicate their heart?

No matter the age of your children, start communicating with them now.