We redefine marriage at our own peril.

God created it; he defined it; and only he can change it.

While the headlines about the redefinition of marriage discuss a vital issue, I’m far more worried about a new definition for marriage which hasn’t made the headlines.

It has crept unnoticed from society into the church. Ask many church going Christians if it is the proper definition of marriage and many would assume it is.

Yet nothing could be further from the Biblical truth.

This new definition of marriage says marriage is all about me.

There is no greater threat to marriage than this definition.

More than same-sex marriage. More than the abandoning of marriage by many in American culture. More than any outside threat, making marriage about me is the greatest danger facing modern marriage.

Marriage is not supposed to be about me.

It is supposed to ultimately be about God. It is one way to bring glory to him. It is a way to learn about our own sinfulness and his grace. It is a way to learn how to love and be loved. It creates a climate of love in which our hearts can be transformed.

Marriage is supposed to primarily be about God.

Marriage is supposed to secondarily be about “us.”

It’s not about my happiness, my dreams, or my life. It’s about our happiness, our dreams, and our lives.

When we exchange “He” for “me,” and “we” for “me,” we have dramatically redefined marriage.

And we do so to our own demise.

This focus on self is what the comedian Brian Regan calls the “Me Monster.”

It is a monster which is destroying a multitude of marriages.

When “me” is the center:

• adultery makes sense
• selfishness is the norm
• personal happiness is the focus
• manipulation is useful
• guilt is a tool to get what you want
• divorce is a constant option

When “me” replaces “we,” sacrifice and mutual submission are repulsive.

The foundation upon which Biblical marriage is built—sacrificial love and mutual submission—are abandoned when “me” replaces “we.”

Without this foundation, a meaningful marriage cannot stand.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

We can reject this new definition of marriage.

We can have a marriage about something more than just ourselves.

We can find meaning and value with our spouse.

And we can experience satisfaction through sacrificial love and mutual submission.

Today’s headlines are all about a redefinition of marriage. While it is an important discussion, a far greater threat exists. The greatest threat to my marriage is not found in a headline or a current political debate. The greatest threat to my marriage is me.