Respect must reside at the heart of every marriage which desires to thrive. It can’t be something which is simply implied or discussed; it must be felt.

When disrespect enters into a relationship, the couple begins a downward spiral from which it is very difficult to recover. While it’s possible to regain respect, it is far easier to never lose it in the first place. (See: Respect–a Necessary Ingredient for a Healthy Marriage)

Respect is so important to marital satisfaction that two of the most important questions an individual can make regarding a potential spouse is to ask:

Do I respect this person in a way that I respect very few people?

Do I feel respected by this person in a deeply meaningful way?

If the answer to either question is no, or even a hesitant yes, then a couple should not get married.

But when respect exists, so too, the potential for a very satisfying relationship also exists.

Respect which is present when a relationship begins must be fostered for the relationship to continue.

Here are five ways a wife can show respect to her husband:

1. She recognizes what is taking place in his life. Few things create a feeling of respect like being known. By listening, paying attention to his life, reading his body language, and knowing his routines, a wife can see what is going on in her husband’s life and respond appropriately. If he’s having a good day or is in a good season, she can ask more of him. If he’s stressed or in a busy time, she can help him by requesting less from him or assisting him with chores he normally does. (See: Stop Making Fun of Your Wife)

2. She assists him in accomplishing his life’s work. Her actions communicate that he’s not alone in life. He has a partner who is capable, helpful, and willing to assist in what he’s trying to achieve. While spouses have different tasks, they help one another when possible. A wife can serve as her husband’s adviser, sounding board, voice of reason, and a variety of other roles that make him better at what he does.

3. She honors the boundaries he has set for his life. Even though a couple is married, there are responsibilities which  uniquely belong to one spouse. While a wife may be aware of what is going on in her husband’s life, she has neither an expectation nor a right to involve herself in every situation. His job is his job; it is not hers. A husband feels respected by his wife when she supports him in doing his job without trying to do the job for him. She does not overstep her bounds and involve herself in things which are not her business. Boundaries are set around work, friendships, family, and a variety of issues. The couple sets the boundaries and then they both respect the lines which have been drawn. (See: Love Your Mother, Respect My Wife)

4. She loves, encourages, and challenges him. She doesn’t just tell him what he wants to hear. She’s not afraid to speak truth, but she does so with his best interest at heart. While others might have ulterior motives, she is always looking out for him. Often she believes in him more than he believes in himself, and she knows when he needs to be encouraged. Whether speaking a challenging word or an encouraging word, everything is spoken in love. Love and respect go hand-in-hand. In marriage, you can’t have one without the other.

5. She nourishes a healthy physical relationship. Some men might be able to feel respected by their wives without sex, but not most men. In general, men cannot separate respect and sex in a marriage. Show me a man who is dissatisfied with his sexual life and I’ll show you someone who likely feels as though his wife does not fully respect him. Sex is not the main conduit to communicate respect, but it is a major way to do so. If a wife will make a concerted effort to identify and understand her husband’s sexual needs, he will feel a meaningful level of respect. (See: I Wouldn’t Sleep With You Either)

A healthy marriage is built on mutual respect. The old stereotype that women need love and men need respect is not true; both spouses need to feel love and respect. (See: The Number Cause for Divorce)

Respect is a byproduct of intention. We never accidentally make someone feel respected. In marriage we must be diligent in showing respect to one another.