Making marriage work isn’t always an easy task, but the path to brokenness is clear. If you want to kill your relationship, there are some very predictable steps you can take.

1. Assume every conflict is an intentional act by your spouse designed to hurt you. It wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t a misunderstanding. It was a calculated attempt to inflict the most harm possible.

2. As seasons change, don’t make a concerted effort to improve your marriage. Just assume everything will stay the same. Don’t recognize that love in your 50s might be different than love in your teens. Don’t grow. Don’t adapt. Just stay the same and your relationship will slowly die.

3. Allow the busyness of life to prevent you from spending quality time with each other. Put your marriage on the back burner. Continually run after more pressing issues. Who has time to talk to your spouse, you’ve got to help PTA. Who can afford a weekend getaway, you have your weekly golf match. You’ll have a ton of time when you are old, just ignore your spouse right now. (See: No Wonder You Don’t Love Each Other)

4. Only give your spouse whatever you have leftover at the end of the day. Make sure your kids, work, and friends get you at your best. Don’t let your spouse have you when you are awake, energized, or feeling alive. Base the majority of your interactions when you feel the worst.

5. Deny any personal responsibility for the state of your marriage. Assume that either this is just how marriage is or that all your problems are because of your spouse. Never consider how your choices and attitudes may be contributing to the problem. Feel helpless about the state of your marriage.

6. Begin to compare your spouse’s weaknesses to the strengths of other people. Contrast your spouse on her worst day when the kids have run her ragged, she doesn’t feel well, and she collapses on the couch next to you wearing sweatpants and an old T-shirt to the woman you saw for just a few moments at the charity event who was wearing a beautiful dress, was attentive to your conversation, and paid you a kind compliment at the end of your three-minute conversation.

7. Daydream what life might be like with someone else. When you are stressed or bored, spend time fantasizing about a different life with a better spouse. (See: Steps to an Affair)

8. Ignore the facts that most marriages can be greatly improved and assume your situation is hopeless. If you think you can improve your marriage, you might do something about it. So don’t. Just assume you are stuck.

9. Assume you know exactly who your spouse is and what they believe. Because you know them so well, there is no need to ask their opinion, listen to their thoughts, or consider their feelings. Since you know them, you can ignore them.

10. Feel entitled to the acts of service your spouse does for you. No need to say “thank you” when they are doing something you deserve. No reason to recognize things they do on a daily basis. You deserve it so they better give it to you. (See: I Wouldn’t Sleep With You Either)

11. Never consider the well-being of your spouse’s heart. Focus on what it takes to make today happen. Don’t worry about the cumulative effect of living life. Every one else has a dead heart so why should you be concerned with whether or not your spouse is satisfied with life.

12. Always do what feels right in the moment. Allow your feelings to be the king of your decision-making process. Assume your feelings never lie, but expert advice rarely understands your situation.

13. Assume your spouse’s sexual desire is sinful and dirty. Never consider that his/her desire for sex is appropriate. Assume all differences are a sign where they are wrong and you are right.

14. Allow outsiders (in-laws, friends, etc) to have a major voice in your relationship. Who cares what your spouse says, do what your mother has told you to do. Quickly tell others about every fight, but never tell them if you make up. Make sure your family knows every fault of your spouse.

15. Live by horrible financial principles. Don’t save. Spend whatever you wish. Go into debt.

16. Ignore boundaries between you and others of the opposite sex. Complain about your spouse to them. Share intimate details of your life. Call and text at times in which everyone else is asleep.

17. Tell your spouse what they feel and refuse to accept if they claim differently. You know how they should feel so don’t believe them if they claim to be hurt by something if you were only joking. Don’t trust them if they say they want something when you know they don’t.

18. Refuse to argue with your spouse. Be silent when they bring up difficult topics. If they continue to press, start yelling. (See: The Warning Sign to a Bad Marriage You Might Miss)

19. Become an addict. Submit yourself to your addiction at the expense of your spouse. Blame them for your poor choices.

20. Lie. Regularly tell your spouse what they want to hear rather than the truth.

I doubt you would ever intentionally try to kill your relationship, but how many of these actions do you see at play in your marriage? While it may not be your intention, if you are doing any of these things you are in fact attempting to kill your relationship. Stop. Find a better way, and your marriage can thrive.