The more things change, the more they stay the same. Our day has unique aspects, but most of our problems are universal with every generation throughout the ages. This is true in all areas, but especially in marriage. Relationships have always been difficult. The number one cause of divorce today was likely the number one cause fifty years ago. (See:  The Number One Cause of Divorce)

The wisdom writer says there is nothing new under the sun. Yet some issues do ebb and flow. Each year, some things threaten our marriages more than others. To see what trends were present in previous years, see the articles from 2017 and 2018.

4 Dangerous Marriage Trends

As a pastor, author, and marriage conference speaker, I interact with marriages from a variety of areas. A marriage often begins on my command (“I now pronounce you husband and wife”) and it often ends in my presence (either in the divorce court or at the gravesite.) This gives me a unique perspective on marriage. Here are four trends I see in 2019:

1. Assuming that some people don’t struggle in marriage. I call this the “Instagram effect.” People only post the best pictures on Instagram. They wait for the best moments, take a series of pictures, and then post the best one. In every picture, both spouses are happy and in love. Yet the pictures often lie. No marriage is perfect. Nobody is without issue or fault. Even the best marriages have tough days and contentious issues. Successful couples endure those moments and work through them. Sadly, when we think other people have perfect marriages and don’t have to work on their relationship, it tempts us to not work on our relationships. Every good marriage requires good work. (See the Book: Friends, Partners & Lovers–What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work)

2. Spoiling kids at the expense of the family budget. We want our kids to have the best. One of the great joys of parenting is providing experiences for them that they enjoy. However, many parents do not have the ability to tell their children “no.” They continually provide things for their kids that are not necessary and that greatly restricts the family’s budget (as well as the time they spend together). Telling our kids “we can’t afford it” feels like failure. We think we have let them down. Yet telling our kids the truth is vital to good parenting. They may not appreciate it at the moment, but it will help teach them good financial stewardship in the long-run. Money might be complicated, but it really can be narrowed down to these simply 85 words.

3. Ignoring the spiritual component of marriage. Do you want to hurt your marriage? Stop attending church. It seems disconnected, but there is a direct connection between spiritual involvement and marital satisfaction. I regularly notice that as couples stop serving in their church and then stop attending worship, they are more likely to get divorced. It doesn’t happen overnight, but slowly over time their relationship struggles. This happens for many reasons, but one of the main connections is the fact that marriage has an eternal purpose. God designed marriage. It helps us better know Him and it helps us to make Him known. When we ignore the spiritual component of marriage, we hinder our marriages. (See: Let God Guide Your Marriage)

4. Not intentionally surrounding themselves with strong examples. They say one of the greatest indicators of whether or not you will gain weight next year is whether or not your friends gain weight. Our friends greatly influence us. It’s true in weight and it’s true in marriage. Far too many couples never consider that divorce is often contagious. They fail to see the role their friends play in their own marriage. One of the greatest things you can do for your marriage is to surround yourself with others who take marriage seriously, work to improve their relationship, and model a strong marriage. In part, this may be why distancing yourself from church or small groups hurts your marriage. Oftentimes, the church is a great resource to meet other couples who value marriage. Every married person would greatly benefit if they were in regular contact with others who have strong marriages. It would challenge and encourage them resulting in a better relationship. (See: Every Couple Needs a Couple)

These are four marriage trends I see in 2019. None are original to this year, yet each seems more prevalent today than they did a few years ago. If you aren’t paying attention, you could subtly be influenced by these trends. What is your plan to make sure you aren’t influenced by these marriage trends?

What is a dangerous marriage trend you see in 2019?