On our first date, Jenny told me should would never move for a man, never marry someone younger than her, and never be a preacher’s wife.

Within a year she moved to be with me, within two years she married someone younger than her, and for over a decade she has been a preacher’s wife.

She is what she never wanted to be, yet her fear of being a preacher’s wife came from a great misconception of what a preacher’s wife was. Growing up in a rural, small church, she assumed every preacher’s wife had to play the piano, attend church 8 times a week, and be the perfect, quiet, wife who submitted to her husband’s every desire.

I was attracted to Jenny, in part, because:

• she loved Jesus, but she didn’t want to attend every church event
• she can play the piano but it’s not that important to her
• she is submissive, if she is heard, validated, and I am equally submissive to her

While Jenny is great, I’m comfortable in knowing there would be severe penalties if she ever decided I wasn’t necessary to her happiness. When you are who I am and do what I do (particularly on stage), it’s good to have the threat of life in prison if she decided to kill me.

Yet a few years ago, that threat was greatly weakened.

Mary Winkler was a pastor’s wife in Tennessee. One average Tuesday morning, Mary woke up, loaded a shot gun, went to her bedroom where she shot and killed her pastor husband in the back as he lay sleeping their bed. She then took her kids to the beach for a vacation.

When the police found her she confessed. A check-writing scheme had collapsed around her and the day of the shooting her husband was going to find out. Instead of feeling the pain of betrayal, he felt the pain of a single shot through the heart (and he wasn’t to blame because she gave love a bad name).

Mary prepared to spend life in prison until a sympathetic jury convicted her of voluntary manslaughter and a crazy judge sentenced her to ONE MONTH in jail. One month?

Paris Hilton went to jail for a month and a half for DUI.

Scooter Libby served 5 years for possibly committing perjury.

Martha Stewart served 5 months for lying to the Feds.

Yet Mary Winkler got one month.

Even O.J. Simpson thought she got off too easy.

The night I watched the verdict on the news I was outraged. When I told the story to Jenny I expected the same response. But she was not outraged; instead she seemed reflective. It was as if she was evaluating this new piece of information.

Our whole life was built around the knowledge that if she ever killed me—which I likely would deserve—she would lose everything. Yet it’s possible her only punishment would be 30 days in jail.

One month is not a threat. One month of not working, not being a mom, not being a wife—that’s not a deterrent, that’s a vacation.

My life is dependent on two graces—God’s and Jenny’s. Thankfully God is perfect, but Jenny could have a bad day. This knowledge causes me to tread lightly when we are both in the kitchen around the knives.

Happy Friday.