Never marry a lazy man. There are other men you shouldn’t marry, but this is near the top of the list. When I wrote Five Types of Women You Shouldn’t Marry, someone commented with advice regarding men you shouldn’t marry. Without hesitation, the first thought was one who is lazy. Laziness kills relationships. It might not be apparent when a couple is dating, but when a commitment is made laziness will cripple connection, create bitterness, and condemn the woman and man into a parent/child relationship.

While anyone can be lazy, it’s a plight far more experienced from men than women. One of the greatest struggles with modern society is the abundance of lazy men. While a healthy work-ethic isn’t enough to guarantee a strong relationship, it is a good prerequisite.

6 Lazy Signs

When a man is lazy, he often is characterized by several of the following:

1. He makes everything about him. Humility takes effort. Serving others demands energy. The laziest route is always the most selfish route. Lazy people make everything about them–how they feel, what they want, what they desire, etc. Even their spouse’s birthday or special day is about them. A healthy relationship weaves the spotlight from the couple to each individual. Lazy men aren’t willing to share the spotlight. Everything has to be about them.  Question: Does your man regularly set aside what he desires in order to focus on you?

2. He demands the benefits but takes no responsibilities. It’s easier to blame others rather than to take responsibility for a situation. While lazy men love the benefits of marriage, they do not enjoy the duty of commitment. So they love to spend money but aren’t diligent in making or saving it. They are quick to be served, but not to serve. Relationships have many benefits, but they also have several demands. We shouldn’t have the former without the latter. Question: Does your man carry a fair amount of the workload in the relationship? (Site: Are You Being Used and Not Loved?)

3. He doesn’t know your wants, desires, needs, or fears. Knowing another person is a process. It can never be assumed and knowledge must always be growing. Lazy men just aren’t willing to make the effort. Their laziness in this area might express itself in a lack of inquisitiveness, making assumptions, refusal to pay attention to details, and failing to listen. Any man who claims to fully know a woman is probably arrogant and lazy. Men don’t know women. They study them and are continually aware there is much more to know. Question: Does your man regularly ask your opinion or thoughts about a variety of issues?

4. He refuses to compromise. Peacemaking takes an effort which many are unwilling to give. Finding a middle ground demands that we identify and communicate our desires. We listen and understand the desires of our partner. We determine what we are willing to give up and what we can’t. Lengthy discussions occur in order to find an agreed-upon resolution. This doesn’t happen once in a relationship. It’s an ongoing pattern week after week. Many men don’t find the process worth the time or energy. Instead, they will demand their way either by force or through emotional manipulation. Question: Does your man do the work necessary to find common ground when disagreement occurs?

5. He never goes the extra mile for you even if he does for others. Love isn’t about the bare minimum. While there are times that we only do what is necessary, the best relationships are regularly defined by two people who continually go the extra mile. Many men will serve others well while failing to do so for their wives. They work hard at their career, play hard with their friends, but fail to serve the one they claim to love. Question: Does your man do far more than you expect in order to communicate his love?

6. He is full of excuses but not changes. Words are easy. A person can say whatever is necessary at the moment to appease a partner who is upset or give the appearance that everything is okay. But words that aren’t followed up by action are empty. They are pointless. Change takes effort. While words occur in a second, meaningful change is never immediate. It’s one thing to say I’m going on a diet; it’s something totally different to lose weight. It’s easy to say I should work out; it takes true effort to go to the gym every day. Words are important, but only if they are followed by actions. Question: Does your man do what he says? (See: A Litmus Test for His Love)

A healthy relationship requires work. While marriage shouldn’t be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, it should be something that demands many things from you. Because marriage demands energy, it requires a person not to be lazy. While dating a lazy person can be enjoyable, being married to one never is.

Never commit to a lazy man because a lazy man is never fully committed to you.