So here’s what I meant to say…

Backstory:

During Sunday’s sermon, I was making a point that sometimes we say things because we believe and other times we say things because we want to believe them. The example I used was guys posting on Facebook about their wives being smokin’ hot. It didn’t go well. Thankfully, during the service, the College Football Playoff field was being announced. Our worship pastor is an Ohio State fan and most of our congregation is pro-SEC. As I was digging my verbal hole with my smokin’ hot commentary, my phone began to go crazy. Knowing the field had been announced, I pulled out my phone, told the audience who was in and then moved on. You can see the video:

Smokin’ Hot

In the 2006 movie Talladega Nights, successful NASCAR driver Rickey Bobby, played by Will Ferrel, continually refers to his “red-hot smokin’ wife.” From the movie came the habit of men to publicly refer to their wives as “smokin’ hot.” It’s a benign habit, but I’ve noticed something. I don’t read every “smokin’ hot” the same way. Sometimes, I read and think “good for them.” Other times, I read and think, “no, she’s not.” But sometimes I read and think, “He’s trying to convince himself.”

While no single individual “smokin’ hot” situation can be fairly judged from the outside, there is a simple concept which should be recognized–public compliments should match private feelings. Anything else is hypocrisy. When we publicly brag about our spouses as an overflow of our private admiration for them, the compliments are a beautiful aspect of a committed relationship. On occassion, it’s good to tell the world what’s going on behind closed doors. However, when the public words don’t match the private feelings, that’s a problem.

If she’s so smokin’ hot,

• why aren’t you ever home?
• why do you ogle other women?
• why do you deride her to your friends?

When your actions don’t match your words, I assume your words are an attempt to convince yourself of something your heart doesn’t believe. Sometimes men compliment because they mean it, but sometimes they do so to give the perception that they mean it.

How Does a Woman Know

This leads to an important question–how does a woman know if her man’s compliment is real or fake? Part of me likes to believe you just know. You know the state of your relationship. You know if it feels real or fake. You know.

But if you are uncertain, here is a simple question–is his compliment believable? If his public words match the feeling you get in his presence, then assume his words are true. Even if he isn’t good at making private compliments, but he does honor and value you, assume they are true. However, if he is quick to say things publicly, but never able to back those words up in private, it’s fair to believe his words are not sincere. He’s putting on an act, giving a perception, or trying to convince himself.

A Second Thought and a Question

No offense to Rickey Bobby, but I’ve always had a second question regarding calling a woman smokin’ hot–do women value that compliment? I assume beauty is important to a woman and communicating attractiveness is important in a marriage. However, does a wife love having her husband call her smokin’ hot? It seems as though this is a very male-centric type compliment. I think men would love for their wives to call them smokin’ hot, but does this compliment equally touch a woman’s heart? Are there other things she would prefer?

So here’s my question:

Women, how do you feel about being called smokin’ hot on Facebook? Leave a comment to tell me if you like it or not. And if not, what is a preferred compliment?