This past month my post, I Wouldn’t Sleep with You Either, received far more likes and views than I expected.
What surprised me the most was the number of people who viewed the post from Singapore. I don’t know the Singapore culture well enough to understand why it spread across Singapore more than others. It made we wonder if the headline translated differently in whatever is the official language of Singapore. Do they speak Singaporean?
If it did translate differently, how disappointed were hundreds of Singaporean men when they googled something about sex and ended up on my blog instead?
This made me wonder, other than my name, what search phrases lead people to my site?
A little research led to some interesting finds.
Here are a few of the actual phrases which someone Googled and Google decided they needed to read my blog:
Two sexual terms lead the list:
“24 Hour Sex” and “Three Types of Sex Every Married Couple Should Have”
It’s not shocking to me that two sexual terms lead the list since the most searched terms have to do with the topic.
But I’ll bet it’s a big surprise to the people who search for these terms to end up on the website of a pastor.
I never guessed my post The 24 Hour Rule: A Simple Solution to a Common Sex Problem would get views from people searching about 24 hour sex. I assume this article isn’t quite what they are looking for.
In the same vein, while I like my post Three Types of Sex Every Married Couple Should Have, I doubt it is what most searchers are looking for late at night when they type in “three types of sex.”
It’s possible that my post How to Break up a Drug Deal (or an affair) in the Church Parking Lot was informative to the person who found my site after googling “how to do a drug deal in a parking lot.” I never knew drug dealers researched their methods before a sale, but I’m pretty impressed. While drug dealers are using Google, I still can’t convince the college students I teach to stop quoting Wikipedia as their primary source.
Who knows what article Google linked the phrase, “went to heaven and didn’t miss my wife” but it sounds like an interesting story. I like that search far more than what someone else was wondering: “kevin a thompson in heaven.” I hope they meant “on” heaven, not “in” heaven or is it possible they know something I don’t? At least they are positive about my salvation.
While Google doesn’t say who is searching for what information, I’m pretty confident I know when my wife searches my site: “Think spouse is working but he’s golfing” is a pretty obvious sign of Jenny’s presence.
Several topics have been searched which led my site, but I’m afraid the searcher wouldn’t have received a good answer based on what I have previously written. So here are my responses to things people have googled:
“Is it weird for a couple to feed each other in bed?” In my opinion, yes. Do what you wish, but please stop googling it. And how does this lead to my site? What have I possibly written which would cause Google’s algorithm to say, “When it comes to food in bed, they need Kevin A. Thompson?”
“Semen in public.” Whatever it takes, don’t. I assume this search led to my article My Worst Public Speaking Blunder Ever. Maybe the searcher got a laugh from my story; I got nauseous from his.
“Do my dead grandparents know my sins?” If you are wondering that, you probably have bigger things to worry about.
“Do you get yelled at if you are an umpire?” If you googled that, you are as smart as most umpires.
“Who is Kevin A. Thompson?” That’s what a lot of us are trying to figure out.
“Is Kevin A. Thompson a relationship coach?” I’m not sure what a relationship coach is. It sounds fun. It sounds like you tell people what to do and then if it doesn’t work you blame them. If it does work, you are a genius. So yes, I am a relationship coach.
“Should a married couple plan sex?” Yes and often. It’s funny that those who say you shouldn’t plan sex still plan to eat tomorrow, plan vacations, and plan to tell you their opinion on sex. Don’t listen to them. Plan it and enjoy it.
“Should I leave my wife for my soul mate?” No, it sounds to me like you should stop searching for “24 hour sex” and “three types of sex” and everything else which is deceiving you into thinking you have a soul mate, and start loving the person you committed your life to (I thought this was supposed to be a light-hearted, humorous post).
One of higher rated terms which leads many people to my blog is some form of the phrase “and then she hit him in the balls.” Every time I see it, I giggle as I’m reminded of two of my favorite people and my favorite funeral story ever: And After the Funeral She Hit Him in the Nuts
The original article which led to my interest in what leads people through Google to my site also led to the most hurtful thing ever googled. Soon after the post stopped appearing in people’s Facebook timeline, some people in Singapore began to search “I wouldn’t sleep with you either kevin a thompson.”
Happy Friday.
