It’s a question rarely asked. In all the pre-marital discussions, wedding ceremonies, and marriage classes, I’ve never had a single person ask the question: “How should I act in marriage?”

We consider the question when going to a restaurant, a library, or a ball game. We know to scream during the important moments of a basketball game, but to stay silent during the decisive point of a tennis match. We know to be ourselves when relaxing with friends, but to be on our best behavior when the boss is in the room. We consider how to act in a variety of situations, but we never ask the question about marriage. We should.

If anyone ever asks the question, I’m prepared with an answer.

We should act with meekness.

Meekness is the mean between apathy and aggression. It’s a bridled power. It combines gentleness with strength, submission with initiative, humility with ability.

Humanity at its best is meek. At our best we:

• quickly act on behalf of another, but we are never self-serving
• reject passivity and take action, but only for the good of others.
• are neither weak nor overbearing.

This is the method of marriage. Not weak. Not a limp-noodle or a broken spirit, but a person fully alive, active, and engaged. Yet not a tyrant. Not a hot-head or self-centered jerk, but a person restrained by love and grace.

Avoiding an issue? That’s not meek.

Demanding your way? That’s not meek.

Afraid to rock the boat? That’s not meek.

Trying to win the fight? That’s not meek.

Marriage thrives when both parties live out their vows with meekness. Issues are confronted with just the right amount passion and grace. We are quick to speak on important issues and slow to do so on trivial issues. Our strength is always used to protect the ones we love, but never to exploit them.

The method of marriage is meekness. Choose it, use it, and watch your marriage thrive.

For more, consider how meekness influences how we handle criticism:

Criticism: How to Listen When Others Speak

Criticism: How to Speak So Others Will Listen

For more on marriage and the Beatitudes, see:

The Most Important Marriage Advice I Could Ever Give

Blessed Are the Married Who Mourn