Does anything good happen by accident? Generally, no. Good outcomes take intention. We have to determine where we want to go, consider how best to get there, predict the obstacles before us, and work hard to not let anything divert us from our plan. Everything good in life requires intentional energy and effort.

So why do we leave our family to chance?

Few of us take the time to determine and define what matters most to us. We don’t clarify the values that we want to define our families. The result–we often drift into behaviors, attitudes, and outcomes we do not like.

Thankfully it doesn’t have to be that way.

Jenny and I have developed the Family Values Scripter. In just a few steps we will walk you through the process of identifying what matters most to you, determining the order of their priority, and then finding a way to best communicate those values. And the good news: it’s not a painful process. Instead, each member of the family will be able to say what is important to them and contribute to the final version of family values.

The Benefits of Values

Having clearly stated family values carries with it several benefits.

The values become the rules. Once your values are defined, the house rules clearly flow from them. There is no need to have extensive rules when we have clear values. When everyone knows the values, they know what they should not violate. This eases discipline, especially with teenagers.

The values clarify decisions. Many times we are faced with decisions that aren’t between right and wrong, but are between good and good. How do we choose? Values help us know what to do.

The values alleviate tension. Most family tension results from unstated values. By clarifying what we care about, we lessen the tension between us. (For more, see: The Number One Cause of Family Fights)

It’s Not Overwhelming

For most, the idea of forming family values seems overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. If you can simply define what you think characterizes a good family and what attributes might be present in a bad family, you can define your family values.

The Family Values Scripter will take you step by step. Just print out the document, read through it, and then follow the step-by-step process.

And the good news is that the Scripter is free for anyone who orders a copy of Fearless Families.

The Thompson Family Values

Here is the end result of the process for us. These are the values that get our focus in the Thompson family.

1. Love Decides. While we are tempted to allow fear or laziness or tradition to drive our decisions, we will focus on love being the deciding factor of everything we do.

2. Family is bigger than us. No individual should think family is primarily about them. Not only do we want to serve each other, but we also want to serve those outside of our family. As God blesses us, we want to bless others. Ultimately, for us, family is about glorifying God.

3. Avoid the two Ls. We stole this one from a friend. At their house they just had two rules–don’t be lazy and don’t lie. We liked that so we stole it. (Plagiarism is not an L, Ha.)

4. Respect fully. Respect matters to us in two ways. We want to show respect to one another. And we want to live in such a way that deserves respect. Both are necessary to respect fully.

5. Celebrate courage. There are a lot of things families can celebrate, but we want to cheer on courage the most. It’s tempting to be led by fear, but it takes courage to love. We want to be courageous so we will cheer on one another when we see courage.

What Are Your Values?

Quick, define what your family values are. Can’t? Why not?

You understand the importance of family. Imagine being able to clearly state what you care about the most. And imagine what it would be like if your kids could easily tell others what matters most to you. This is what the Family Values Scripter can do. Get yours today.