Men, this isn’t for you. Trust me. Let me say something to the women and if they listen you will be happy, but stop reading. (See: If I Could Tell Husbands One Thing)
Ok, ladies, this should be interesting. This is one of those posts where I’m grateful that Facebook doesn’t have a dislike button (yet). Of course, my website does have a comment section, so vent your anger there.
Pre-post admission: I’m a guy. I realize I simplify sex far more than I should. I know there are a variety of issues of which I can never understand, so please read this with grace. Do not read it as absolute truth. This is one thought, from one person (a guy); you should consider it and do with it as you wish.
Nearly every week I deal with people having an affair. Most of my time is spent with men who are having, or are on the verge of having, an affair. Without fail, I turn to Proverbs 5-7 to warn men about the dangers of adultery. These three chapters are clear:
- Adultery leads to death. (5.5)
- It destroys a man’s honor. (5.9)
- It ensnares a man. (5.22)
- An adulterous woman is evil. (6.24)
- Adultery leads to punishment. (6.29)
- Adultery is foolish. (7.7)
- Adultery is a lie. (7.21)
- An adulterous man is like an ox going to slaughter. (7.22)
On a regular basis I walk men through these truths about adultery. (See: Three Myths About Adultery)
Without question, the purpose of these three chapters is to warn men against adultery. It is a passage which every man should read every month.
Yet as I’ve read these chapters, particularly Proverbs 7, I’ve always thought there was a secondary thought for wives. It’s not the primary purpose, yet it is an interesting insight. Because I’m a guy, I’ve never had the guts to say it. Until now…
Proverbs 7 tells the story of a foolish man, making a horrendous decision, and paying a serious price. The responsibility is his. Yet notice what type of woman destroys the man:
- She looked for him at a time of weakness. (7.6)
- She went to him. (7.10)
- She dressed seductively. (7.10)
- She was aggressive. (7.13)
- She sought him. (7.13)
- She was prepared for him. (7.14–15)
- She invited him to an all-night adventure (I’m such a pastor, I just used the word “adventure” instead of saying sex). (7.18)
- She spoke seductively. (7.21)
As women read the description of the adulterous woman, they are repulsed. Men, not so much.
There is a reason a man falls for the woman in Proverbs 7. He is weak and she knows how to exploit his weakness. (See: The Greatest Aspect of Sex)
Every week I implore men to put proper boundaries in place so that they will not fall for this type of woman.
What I haven’t said, until now, is: if other women are pursuing your husband with such zeal, how much energy should you exert in pursuing him?
Remember, I get it. I know he has a responsibility. I’m not excusing his laziness. If I were writing to him, I would tell him to pick up his clothes, help with the kids, and stop whining. But I’m not writing to him. Trust me, I tell men those things, but right now I’m writing to you. One thing Proverbs 7 should remind you of is how important sex is and how much a man loves to be the center of a woman’s sexual attention.
It’s not just a want; it’s a created desire (sadly, some of you just thought “created” meant the man created it, instead of understanding it as from our Creator).
On a regular basis I speak with couples whose sex life is anything but healthy. Weeks have passed without any real intimacy. Even when it does happen, it takes place in the context of guilt or coercion. Sometimes years pass without them getting help. It is tragic. It is contrary to God’s creation. It is dangerous. (Watch: A Sunday Sermon About Married Sex)
Unless there are extenuating circumstances, men in a marriage with an unhealthy sexual relationship are sitting ducks.
While a man is responsible for his decisions, a wife can be a tremendous partner in his pursuit of healthy sexuality.
If you want to know where to start, read back over Proverbs 7. Notice what the adulterous woman does. Do that.
Notice the only thing the woman did which was ungodly was she used what God had given her in the wrong context. Instead of focusing her attention on her husband, she focused her attention on another man. None of her actions would have been sinful had they been directed toward her husband.
Proverbs 7 serves as a stern warning to men. It does the same for women. Others are going after your man, will you go after him as well?
Don’t know where to start?
Check out this book: The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex
or check out these blogs:
Now, ladies, it is your turn. What one piece of advice would you give to men regarding what women need in marriage?
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