A marriage enjoyed by two people of deep faith should have several characteristics which greatly differ from other marriages. Forgiveness, mercy, passion, and service should be more prevalent in a Christian home. They aren’t always more visible, but they should be.

One of the great gifts which faith should give to a Christian marriage is prayer. On a regular basis, you should pray for your spouse–not just ABOUT them, but FOR them. (See: What I Prayed the Night Ella Was Born)

Imagine the encouragement it would bring to know that on a nearly daily basis someone is praying for you. They are on your side. They have your back. They are appealing to heaven for your sake.

Prayer is one way in which all three roles of a spouse–friend, partner, and lover–is expressed.

How Do You Pray For Your Spouse?

Many people would like to pray for their spouse but they do not know how. Prayer is often a topic of obligation for a Christian with very little understanding of how to actually do it. Thankfully, prayer is not as difficult as we make it. And the more we do it, the better we get at it.

Here is a simple outline to use while praying for your spouse:

Thank God for them. Voice to God your gratitude for your spouse. Remember why you fell in love. Thank Him for the privilege of being married (remember, many people long for a spouse or are grieving the loss of a spouse).

Intercede on their behalf. Name your spouse’s greatest struggles for the day. Maybe it is the need for patience during a tough meeting at work. Maybe it is the need for strength while raising toddlers. Whatever the circumstance, understand what is going on in your spouse’s life and lift their concerns to God. (See: Wake Up Every Day and Consider How to Make Her Dreams Come True)

Ask God to reveal Himself to them. While it is important to pray for health and happiness, most of the prayers in the New Testament have a different form. They are prayers asking God to make Himself known to people. Pray that God would reveal Himself in a powerful way to your spouse. If you need language, look at Paul’s prayers in Ephesians or Philippians or Colossians.

Ask God to make you a better spouse. It’s a bold prayer to ask God to change you. No matter who you are, you have weaknesses which can be improved. Asking God to make you a better spouse will challenge your heart to know God, listen to Him, and allow Him to change you.

How Prayer Changes You

Prayer can have a powerful impact on marriage. Not only can God use your prayer to change your spouse, it is guaranteed he will use your prayer to change you. (See: Why Are We Afraid of Change?)

Whenever you pray for your spouse, you will have more:

Humility. You can’t help but feel humility when you pray for others. As you pray for them, you are reminded of your own need. One of the great dangers in marriage is believing your spouse is more broken than you are. When you believe your spouse is THE problem, you are tempted to feel entitled to something or someone better. Prayer can safeguard your heart from pride.

Compassion. As you pray for someone, you begin to see them more like God sees them. Even if you do not like their actions, you have a better understanding for why they act as they do. If you lack compassion for your spouse, chances are you are not praying for him/her.

Action. One of my favorite sayings when it comes to prayer is “live your prayer.” Whenever you pray about something, you should also make yourself available to God for Him to use you to answer your prayers. When we pray for our spouse’s well-being, we are more likely to act in our spouse’s best interests. (See: Live Your Prayer)

Prayer is not magic. It’s not the secret ingredient which can save any marriage. However, prayer can dramatically change most relationships. If two people would honestly pray for one another and passionately attempt to live their prayer, very few relationships would fail.

Pray for your spouse, not with the intent of manipulation, but with the honest desire for their well-being.